Woah, I passed my GP essay w only SVs and one undeveloped OV written. My heart was really in my mouth. I think the teacher's secretly in love w me or what ah. hahahaha. I hope I pass paper 2 as well so at least I pass my overall GP to compensate for my lousy h2 papers.

To think of it, there's only 2 terms left to turn all my lousy grades into straight As or at least, something decent, so I can go up to the stage and shake Ms Lai's hand next year.

You know, sometimes, I feel so pressurized w people's expectations of me. When you don't do well, people will gossip behind your back, questioning why, saying this and that that is totally untrue. When you do well, they'll congratulate you accompanied w a little tinge of jealousy. This is the reality, the ugly side. It's just too competitive, so much so I get really flared up... and now, I'm feeling plain apathetic. The v much screwed-up system has moulded people in such a way that it becomes irreversible. Little did we know of it until we experience this living hell by ourselves. I guess that's the main reason for my gradual change in attitude... It's uncontrollable and comes so naturally.

I'm not saying that we're all like that. Of course, there are still some really nice souls around who's really happy for your success and also be there when you fail. I really appreciate the v few of you who's standing by me and loving me all along. I love you all, really, baby, teammates, lydia, tong, marissa, ethel, paul, jiajian ..... You guys are the reason I can garner my strength to overcome the odds. Thank you, a million times.

and sometimes, I guess it's just not nice to be "over-enthusiastic", echoing what the authority says, and think that it should be done your way because it's for everybody's good. It's way too bossy my dear.

Becks' feeling indifferent;
signing out, xoxo.

Ehehehehehehe. Finally having some time of my own now because ...

MBT's finally over today w GSC being the last paper. Think all of us screwed up like whaaaaaaaaaaaaat, but heck laa. A div's more important now, at least to me. Hahahaha.


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Baby brought me out and we watched Detroit Metal City on thursday, to kinda reward ourselves for working so hard for the MBT. The movie's good, I cannot cannot cannot deny. But actually, it's kinda scary imagining myself at the death metal gigs. Guess it's just, not my style though it would be fun to experience it for once, just maybe. Satisfied my long craving for yoshinoya then baby sent me home from tampines. I don't know why but that day really gave me a different feeling, like it's the first time we're dating each other. It's really amazing how baby can make me feel like it's valentines' day everyday.

Lunched at IKEA today w Huihoon and Sijia. Fish n chips, cream of mushroom, woohoooo, made me so high and full until like a dancing bloated pig. and stupid Huihoon made a joke today about "black", but I shall not share it here cause it's an inside joke. Went on for econs lecture in a fluster cause we ended up late. and my gosh ... Ms Ng actually knows I'm going to London. Off to training soon after lecture and then it's like a whole load of fun all over again, accompanied by much hardwork and sweat of course.

and somehow, I realise that teammates are the ones who'll always be there when you fall. Let's hit the A div's together as one. :D

Off to play w bebe now;
bye porks.

Becks' feeling loved;
signing out,xoxo.

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Okay. Haven't been blogging much cause of the MBT that really drove me nuts, but I'm okay now, yup, alive and kicking still. :) Spent quality time w my baby and we had a fair share of fun at the barbeque and watching midnight movies, as well as studying over at my place. I literally broke down last night while mugging for econs because nothing is going through my skull and I feel so unprepared for an exam for the first time. But I'm glad that my baby's w me and it really meant a lot when he hugged me, wiped away my tears, and told me that "we're gonna go through this together". That gave me a lot of recovering strength to persist on. He's like the only one I've gone through so much w and I really think noone knows me better than him. True, this journey is tough, but I'm sure I can make it through w baby hand in hand. We'll prove to those who have no faith in us that we can do this, right baby? We'll prove them all wrong. After MBT, I hope baby brings me out for some fun again, no matter what the results are.

AND, I can't wait for trainings to resume cause I'm missing the adrenaline rush all over again.

Becks' feeling peaceful;

signing out, xoxo.

heeeeheeeheeeee. Hello darlings, how's life?
Haha. I can't believe I've actually spent the entire day studying organic chem concepts. I'm sooooooo mentally-drained I feel as if some alien's just sucked out all my brain juice. okay, yuck, I know, but I can't think of any better analogy to express myself right now after hours and hours of facing nothing else but chem notes. And... great, I've not done anything constructive about my math yet.

well well, actually, I must confess, I'm not focused on this coming block test. (Yeah, I know I should just take a gun and shoot myself to death now.) I don't know why but the only reason I can think of is the coming A div's. Guess all the MSGs are all feeling the same, w Sarah dreaming about soccer and Huihoon visualising us at the ceremony and ....... the list goes on and on. But yeah, I'm not gonna regret for this even if I fail my block tests, because it's like probably the last month that we're gonna train and play as a MSG 08/09 team and then we're gonna say goodbye to kicking and focus on the As.

So yup, there's training tomorrow morning and I'm so excited. I hope my body listens to me and kill away all the morning sickness. I hope the rain won't come visting us again. I hope I won't be late cause training's at 8. Hahaha. and we're gonna go airport for popeyes and some bit of mugging. Sure to be yet another whole load of fun.

and I'll be offline tomorrow cause I'll be w baby at eastcoast for some barbeque w his friends.
Till then, feel free to tag me !

and I'm so sorry to ask, but I really wanna know, who's the friendly Mr/Ms "G" who tagged me recently? If you are the one I'm referring to, do tell me okay. Thanks, lovely.

Okay, Ima go pack my stuffs and go to bed and dream of all the fun tmr w the mates and baby.
Becks' feeling hungry;
signing out, xoxo.

Quick update so no long paragraphs, just point forms. :D

0. Went ichiban sushi for some lovely jap food and amk s11 k-boxing some time last week w baby and my two crazy siblings till midnight and we cabbed home.
1. Last training, Monday, we've gotten our new jerseys.
2. Getting one more set of jersey and another training tee !
3. All the senior girls made it into the school team. (including me !)
4. I screwed up my GP on Monday cause I slept during paper1. fff.
5. Thanks Jenny for the lovely breakfast. The Milo's damn cute, so small.
6. Felt much better after having a short heart-to-heart chat w Huihoon after the paper.
7. I'm getting hyped up over Subway again !!
8. CIP today is cancelled. met up w old poks for Ajisen. yummm.
9. I bought something random for baby from action city.
10. I've finally finished inflation and the j1 chem topics.
11. I really hate Probability at this instance.
12. I am still paranoid over exams cause no matter how much I study, I think I'm gonna fail.
13. But nvm, cause yaaaaay, I'm going to watch "coming soon" for freeeeeee !!
14. I love my pet BEBE cause she makes funny noises like me.
15. I can't wait for tomorrow cause baby will be back from camp.
16. and because I'm meeting mates to study at 10 in school tomorrow before out training and match kicks off.

so,
BYE PORKIES.
becks' feeling sleeeepy;
signing out, xoxo.

Thank yall for the comforting messages, ppl like Jenny, Joseph, JJ, line, G.

I've learnt how to accept certain things and took a break this weekend.

On a lighter note, Okay, today's someone's v v v big day. She's the first 08s414 classmate I knew, and probably one of the sweetest besties I'll always remember. and ... ... she's none other than, Dionna Lee, whose brother is my bff ! Hope you had fun on this big day, and let's work hard for the A's together. Happily in s414 together, we'll graduate with the same bright smile hand in hand. I LOVE YOU. :D

Best friends or acquantainces? I guess, it's the latter.

I used to enjoy schooling, w all the big hoohas occuring and the fun & laughter despite how boring certain tutors can get. But, I don't feel the same way now. The feeling I get in college almost everyday constantly puts me to question myself if I really have a true friend. Yes, I might know a lot of people and a lot of people would recognise me as Phobos secretary or MSG no.25 but I would only consider them as classmates/schoolmates. The social circle is widening, but not at all enhancing. It doesn't mean that you read my blog/have heard things about me/have talked to me and therefore you KNOW me. There's this drastic change in my life, probably because I was too used to friends buying breakfast and putting it on my table for me every morning, waiting for one another to go for recess together, going to the toilets together eventhough we don't need to, waiting for one another to go home together, waiting for one another to go for lectures together or leave the hall together, hangout during weekends or just a little while after school. There's no leaving of anyone one out and we really stick together like glue. These little things might be insignificant but it does reflect how strong friendships may develop.

But now, I don't see this v much. Probably I'm infering too much. Probably it's my fault to stay in Yishun. Probably i've neglected my friends because of my boyfriend. I don't know when or what went wrong but it's really getting a little too superficial. Can anyone enlighten me? I'm losing the drive that is keeping me propelling all this while and I'm going to school everyday like a living-dead eversince my true best-friend left college for good. Now, I don't even know who to really trust, who to pour my sorrows to, who to depend on when I fall back. I guess time has taken its toll on our friendships.

and, I don't know who my true friends are.

becks' feeling agonised;
signing out, xoxo.

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Sometimes, I really hate myself for putting too much stress on myself, so much so that to a point whereby I get depressed and then I spoil my baby's day. Stressed up because of not keeping up w the progress or my own personal expectations, because I'm not playing well enough for the team, because I'm scared I'll flunk my As and get to nowhere, stress over this and that ... But I'm really really thankful for my baby who never fails to stay by my side, giving me words of encouragement, telling me we can make it through these hurdles together and that he'll never give me up. True enough, he never once left me alone to "emo-one-corner". He'll always be around somewhere, somehow. His blog post wrote:

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Baby: jiayou k? Can see you are really tired while studying for your tests, can feel your pain when u complain to me that your ankle hurts alot, my heart really do ache.. But, its ok!:) Chaoren Laogong is with you all the way !:)

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See what I mean when I say he's really the sweetest of all. Everytime I felt like skipping school, it'll naturally occur to me that I shouldn't because baby is going through the same agony as me so I shouldn't "relac-one-corner" and leave him to suffer all alone. Everytime I'm upset, I have his arms to help me regain my faith and strength. Perhaps, this is what keeps me, or rather, us, going on. I guess I feel what "Love makes the world go round" really means... and no matter what happens in the future, this superhubby will always be a part of me.

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Thank you for everything you've given me. :)

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Becks' feeling cherished;

signing out, xoxo.

Blogging in point form today !


1. I just fought a war w organic chem.
2. I don't care how I'll do for the test tmr cause I've alr stopped studying for it.
3. I'm lethargic.
4. I really hate the weather nowadays; either too warm or too cold.
5. I enjoyed waking up early this morning, eating breakfast w baby at the coffeeshop and buying breakfast back for my family.
6. Sister just asked me if I wanna go k-box next Saturday.
7. If I go, I'll be able to use the kbox voucher Dionna sweet gave me.
8. I haven't settled the administrative works for the cip next tuesday.
9. I just remembered GP exam is next Monday. crap. :/
10. Okay, heck, I'm gonna go play w Bebe.
11. Bebe is too cute for me to resist.
12. and she's gonna go cuddle&kiss ahkai before she sleeps.
13. Anyway Lydia, you don't have to apologise to me for anything. Dajie just wants you to be happy. :)
14. Litong, I haven't heard from you for a donkey years. When are we gg for some coffee?


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and baby, I want this for our babygirl in the near future to compensate for the fact that you didn't steal that M.A.C hellokitty balloon ytd at vivo. haha.




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Becks' feeling kinda brain-dead;
signing out, xoxo.

EHEHEHEHEHE. I'm v v v v v super elated today cause I finally went shopping. Baby fetched me from training in school and brought me for lunch then home and woah, he actually allowed me to have some sleep w/o nagging at me. Woke up at near 4.30 and we went off to vivo. Shop shop shop ! Bought a bag from pull&bear and it costs me $60. I like the hoodie and the canvas shoes there, and some stuffs from River Island/F21/Mango as well but didn't buy it cause I think, or rather, I hope, I'll be able to find nicer and cheaper ones when I fly off to London during June. Yepyep. FCUK at tangs was disappointing cause I didn't get to use my $20 voucher on any of their items. whooooo, walked quite a bit and baby and I were so beaten we decided to get some snacks to munch on w his free boost-juice while enjoying the serenity at the skypark. Headed to Daiso and Candy empire for the last bit of shopping and again, bought quite a bit of stuffs and now we're sweet home ! Money money money. Okay, baby's sleeping next to me again now while I'm actually playing pet society. Hahahahahahaha.

I think I should go sleep now cause tomorrow will be another day of mugging.

Sidenote: I guess I'm optimistic enough now to want to make this decision. It really doesn't matter becks, it's not as important as how you always thought so.

Becks' feeling a lil hungry;
signing out, xoxo.

Hohoho. Hello earthlings ! I'm blogging in the library now w Meishan Dionna and Weixin. LOL. Meishan just said she's v stressed up as she hear me and Dionna type. LOLOLOL. Actually we're supposed to be on duty for some lameshit GSC teacher's workshop but HAHA, there's nothing for us to do now cause the teachers are talking about some A levels' stuff that we're not supposed to know. and we're just too well-fed w the leftover buffet to parade the school or play anything.

HOHOHO. Anyway, feeling curious why I'm not at training on a Wednesday that's officially known as the "CCA day" in MJ? Because it's raining AGAIN. It's been like the third or fourth time it rained and we can't get to train intensely. Boohoohoo. I guess it's the bad weather and the academic stress that made me felt like giving up on soccer several times because it is simply too demanding to still have to study after an intense training session. Pressurised by many factors I guess. To play well to not bring down the team.. To have to cope between studies and House Comm at the same time.. To have to make sure I still have quality time spent w my family.. dadadadadadadada, it goes on and on. But today, I flipped through my notebook and saw the encouraging letter that Ms Susan Soh wrote to me. (She's my sec3 and 4 form teacher, if you haven't realised.) Yupps, and I guess, my engine's restarted again. Thank you Ms Soh, for the millionth time, for all the trust and faith you had in me and the other 37 phoenixes.

Yupps. Dionna asked why I'm blogging for so long. Hahahaha. If you guys haven't realised, the only time I use the PC or my laptop is during school breaks and weekends. So those of you who spotted me on facebook, actually, it's my boyfriend who started it for me. I haven't really log onto my account, but I promise, yes I promise, I will do it this weekend. and Meishan promised to give me flowers, so wait and see !

I really can't wait for this weekend to arrive because saturday's my 7th monthsary w Mr Sim and he promised to bring me on a SHOPPING SPREE and to watch movie at vivo. Ehehehehehehe. I'm so doted. But then, reality check, I have to start studying for Monday's chem test so I won't fail badly for the March block test. Hahaha. Go Becks ! Go Becks ! So now, the clock just struck 5pm and I got to go back for duty then off to soccer training w the dear girls. Sayonara~

sidenote: Dionna, Ms Grumpy, I have a t-shirt labelled "little miss naughty" ! HAHAHAHA.

Becks' feeling HYPEDUP;
signing out, xoxo.