It's a very emotional Sunday for me. Well, went to my maternal Grandpa's house in the noon to visit my uncle who was diagnosed w cancer a year back. His condition now have worsened so much that the cancer cells have spreaded from his lungs to his brains and bones. The moment I saw his sunken cheeks and listless eyes when I stepped into his house, my heart was literally torn apart. He's as skiny as a bamboo I'm so afraid he will collapse anytime. The man who used to play w me, rescue me from my Grandpa's crazy tickles, buy me candies and chocolates, have now become very sick, very very sick. My aunties and cousins were also there and there's this common thing between us: We're all hiding our emotions from him. It's obvious that we're all heartbroken to see him in his current state but the fact that we still put on a facade and act like everything's gonna be alright is because we know he doesn't want us to worry about him. We know it's impossible for him to carry such a heavy burden on his own, but, the kind of helplessness we feel when we can only watch him cough and sometimes cough out blood, yet do nothing at all to help, it's really overwhelming. I really wish that the excruiciating pain will ease off at least a little to make him feel better. I'm so afraid that he'll just collapse and leave us though we all know death is part and parcel of life. I'm afraid because I've not exactly experienced the pain of losing a kin or a friend. I know I wouldn't be able to deal w such trauma. Still, I hope that if that day ever comes, he'll leave us all peacefully w/o any worries or regrets. I he'll stay strong. Dear Uncle, remember, we all love you.

Becks feeling heartaches;
signing out, xoxo.