life?

It feels great to just sit alone in BurgerKing by the window panels with my laptop, watch people come and go. I'll start contemplating about life and everything that revolves around me. I think I'm starting to change. There's this invisible barrier when it comes to certain issues. I hardly can trust anyone nowadays because I can't really differentiate between the good and the bad, those who care and those who's just putting up an act. Maybe this is how it is to be stepping into the real world where people starts making use of stuffs, where people really give it all to fight for what they want- Desperation everywhere. You'll see 360 degrees change in people's attitude. We probably should take a break, have a sip of coffee and start asking yourself what do we want to achieve at the end of our lives. Make something fruitful out of it or just live in time or be a slave of money. I can't agree more that surely at some points in our life, we are so self-centred that we neglect the feelings of those around us. The "Because I want it, therefore I must have it" mentality. This is all part of growing up? I don't know. and sometimes, you just don't want to have to explain to others about what you're feeling, why you're making this choice etc. At this phase of my life, I admit that i do want to do stuffs without having to explain to anyone, with or without authority, but we all are clear that this will never happen because in this world, everything has to be in black and white, the so called "correct" way. I am someone who uses her heart more than her brains, very emotionally driven. So, many a time, I can't stick to what is deemed to be right. I follow my heart, especially in relationships. I guess this is why my past relationships had failed. Hmm, into which generation has love evolved until? I feel as if I'm perpetually stuck in the Jurassic era. Neither do I wish to turn back to the past or rush into a new one. I am comfortable and very contended with whatever that I have now. I don't wanna be a girlfriend, don't want any attachments, don't want explainations. I just wanna be who I really am. For the past 17 years of my life, I'll always have someone whom I can confide in, a listening ear from friends. But it's getting rather hard because friends are all on different paths. So hard that sometimes I'll just murmur a few words to my bear like how Jenny does to her elephant, or simply keep it inside me, or like now, stone in BurgerKing with people thinking I'm such a lonely loser. Whatever it is, I just want to stay around. Haha. I bet people will think I'm emo-ing or something, but hell no, I'm sorting out my thoughts and supposedly mugging. It's better than locking myself in the room and start drawing circles on my walls right? Sometimes I really feel like drawing circles because I miss soccer but I can't draw a proper ball. Paul's right. I should stop kicking for some time, one more week I guess. I need the natural happy feeling I get when I'm on the field with the girls. Ahhhh.... This is me, intro-and-extro vert at different times.